Thursday, January 21, 2010


Warning...this may or may not be how things are...this is how they seem to me. How's that for a disclaimer?

Some days I wonder if my daughter is going to make it. Make it through what, you ask? Life. I don’t remember much about my life at her age. Maybe she’s just like me. Maybe this is normal kid stuff. Maybe I should ask my mom.

Mom? Was I a drama queen? Did I act like a brat one minute and an angel the next? Did I hate school? Did I hate whatever I was doing at that moment because I wanted something else? Did I have the grass is greener syndrome? OK, you don’t really have to answer those…I’m pretty sure my brothers have told me the answers.

I read “The Strong-Willed Child” by Dr. Dobson when the Prince was little. I read “The NEW Strong-Willed Child” by Dr. Dobson when the Princess was a toddler and I thought there were things he left out that she could teach him. LOL.

I pick my battles. I learned early on to give her choices. But now we’ve reached the fork in the road where her choice is always the one I didn’t offer. She asks my opinion…and when I give it…she chooses the opposite. Ug. It looks to me like she’s going to go through life by the rules of the School of Hard Knocks. I don’t want that for her. I know enough people who have chosen that route and none of them are the better for it.

What I don’t know… is how to deal with this super headstrong child. I do not want to break her spirit…just bend it a little. I firmly believe that if she doesn’t learn to obey her parents…she will never be able to obey God. I try to tell her “why” but sometimes she doesn’t need to know why…she just needs to do it. God doesn’t usually tell me why…I find that out later. I trust Him to take care of me. Sometimes I wonder if my child doesn’t trust me to take care of her…doesn’t trust that I’m looking out for her best interests…always.

I don’t know how to handle her. She’s so different from my memories of me at that age. I am constantly coming up with creative ways to discipline, when I rather be creatively rewarding…but she fights against it.

She hates home school AND the international school we’ve been going to. Why? In home school, she’s by herself and wanting classmates. At the international school, although small, she has classmates…which is a distraction and she can’t get her work done…therefore making her have homework. Can’t make her happy? What’s the underlying issue?

Another thing is that my daughter is living life as the Belle of the Ball. Where we are…there are no other blonde-haired kids. Not…just a few…I mean…NONE. So…everyone wants to give her things all the time and now she thinks she deserves them. Ug. My daughter was always the giving one..and she still is, but sometimes the bad outweighs the good…especially if she’s had a “bad attitude” day. The pendulum swings both ways.

I don’t want her to be just like me, but do want her to have Godly characteristics. If I don’t see them in her…is it because she doesn’t see them in me? What else can I do to shape her? My knees are calloused already from praying and they’ll stay that way. There are not many other adults in her life to build her up and I know she’s missing that. She has gone through some more grief lately over missing America…friends, English speakers, family, our pets, etc. Am I expecting too much from an 8 year old? I don’t think so, but maybe. She’s pushing every boundary and we haven’t even reached teenage years. Yikes.

I know Who has the answers and I’m talking to Him daily, but many of you are wondering “where I am” and why my blog isn’t up-to-date. This is one reason why. These are the things that are on my heart and mind and I just didn’t want to air it for the world to read. But then I realized I was flattering myself thinking that THAT many people read my blog. LOL. If you’re reading it…it’s because you care about us and will pray for that little Princess and her mother…which is ultimately why I posted.

I love her. I want what’s best for her. I want her to be an easy child to rear (HA! Don’t we all? Truth be told). I want her to love people and care about others above herself. I want her to love God and have a heart for service. But what if she doesn’t? …I’ll still love her. I'm her mother and she is my daughter, unique and special.


GMudda said...

My sweet daughter-in-law, you are so precious. You are a great mom, never doubt that. We've all had self-willed children, and it was not easy. What you are doing regarding discipline, etc. appears, as I see it, to be just right! If you feel that she is receiving too many "things", you might want to tell the people giving her "things", to refrain from doing that for a while. You make that decision. The main thing to ponder over, is that she knows Dad and that you pray for her daily, and that you love her, but you require her obedience to you and the King. The King must also discipline her, which he does. I know she's having a difficult time away from the States, I can only imagine her home-sickness. I definately don't have the answers to your dilemma, but you must remain firm, but loving. I pray for you daily. GMudda

Ashley said...

Praying for both of you!

jennypen said...

Trying not to tear up after reading your post! I have no answers for you, but I can relate. And I'm glad you're further along in the journey than I; maybe I can pick up some hints and tips along the way. ;-) Reading The Strong-Willed Child and offering choices certainly have been helpful tools.

I don't know where mine gets her STRONG personality from...I was the goody-goody who didn't rock the boat. Sure makes life interesting though! I'll remember your princess when I pray for mine!