Thursday, February 16, 2012

A retraction of sorts...

OK. I need to apologize. I didn't mean to worry you. I thought by sharing my thoughts in one particular moment, I could ease the minds of those wondering...apparently I made it worse...if my inbox is any indicator.

Life is hard. Life in a foreign country is hard. Raising kids is hard. Finding balance is hard. Living surrendered is hard. Walking in faith is hard. Marriage is hard. Isn't everything hard at one time or another? Or for a season? Well, I'm in that season, but it isn't the end of the world. As a matter of fact I have a much more in depth understanding of the word of God that says, "My grace is sufficient for you." It is. It IS. Really.

My children lean toward the dramatic side of things...I have no. idea. where they get it from. Ok. So I know exactly where they get it. No really, I may have been a tad dramatic in my words in an earlier post...I'm not on the brink of anything bad. God is good. He always has been. He is faithful. He always has been. He's working in my heart and life. He always has been. He's in control. He. Always. Has. Been.  I just try to usurp him from time to time and therein lies the problem. I have learned so much about myself and my God by stepping outside of my box. I'm sure I can never go back. He doesn't want me to, but I want to sometimes is hard.

Living in a land where few are believers is hard on the heart.  Giving all the time and not being filled in the "usual" ways has taken quite a bit of adjustment for me. I am a creature of habit. Good or bad. It's taken me longer to adjust to foreign life than I thought. But I am adjusting. Pretty well, I think. Enough for Father to call us to adoption.

I make no bones about the fact that is seems crazy to the naked eye. It seems crazy to me at moments. I'm not sure of anything...but my God. Him, I have complete confidence in. He has YET to call me to do something that he did not equip me for and bring me through. My trust is not misplaced. Don't let yours be either.

My mom said that she thought, "How much worse must it be if this is what she's sharing?" I didn't mean to make you worry. I wanted to share a moment when God spoke to my heart to remind who he is, who I am. I am his. Irrevocably. I may be tired, but he gives rest. I may be struggling, but he has already won the battle. I know all of this. Truly know it. Sometimes the enemy distracts me from what I know...temporarily.

Don't worry. Thanks for the love that means you would worry. No need. Just pray and give thanks. It's what I'm doing. Love you all~

1 comment:

Terri said...

To me your post just shared how even in your GREAT faith, you have that human side of you that isn't perfect. You help me to see that it is OK for me to feel that way because God is big enough to handle it. And I am not less of a Christian because of my weak moments. Because HE is bigger than anything and is ALWAYS there for us. Thanks for being willing to share that side of yourself. I have known you for a long time and you have always been an inspiration to me. I love you bunches!